This afternoon I was in the midst of a normal Tuesday afternoon.  Normal for Tuesday is ballet for Jackie.  Morning-sickness has been the add on to what was normal a few weeks ago and now that too makes a normal Tuesday.  We have definitely settled into a routine here in Monterey.  I know my way around pretty well.  The gas station of choice is no longer a mystery, the best place for a sandwich is no longer a locals only secret, and I've even found a hair-stylist who knows a thing or two about curls.  Back to our Tuesday afternoon.  I was sitting and enjoying watching Jackie dance.  She is amazing and has learned more during her 2 months with the instructor here than she has anywhere else.  I think the year off from ballet drove her desire to learn and push harder with her ballet practice.  She is getting so strong on her feet and is a beauty to watch.   

Because Christmas is around the corner the ballet studio is buzzing with hype about the "Nutcracker."  During class one of the very sweet moms mentioned that I should ask the instructor about the "Angels Dance."  She mentioned that it would be perfect for Louisa and Libby who are also taking ballet.  I am typically not the type to ask questions nor to confront or to put my nose in places where it shouldn't be.  Today I decided I would just ask, it wouldn't hurt to ask.  So, ask I did.  The teacher was sweet and listened to my inquiry and graciously responded with, "I have a lot of girls who've been in the studio for years and they will get the parts first."  It really was a kind, honest response.  It's my own sorrow that I was offended.  You see, this always happens.  Not Louisa and Libby not getting a part, but it's a mistake I make every year.  I get comfortable with my new home, my new friends, and then inevitable it comes up.  I am reminded that I'm new here.. I need to wait in line, I wasn't here last year, etc.  It didn't used to bother me and I don't even know if I noticed it so much.  As I've gotten older, I've grown sad to realize that our roots are all over the place. That they aren't as deep as most other peoples.  We seem to spend a lot of time as the, "New kids on the block.."  

On my way home, I was feeling a bit down.  I was reminded that we'll be leaving here soon.  Any roots we've put down will remain only that deep.  We are going to start all over again.  It leaves a knot the size of Texas in my gut, when I think about it.  But then, guess what happens.  I pull into my driveway.  I walk in the doors of my home and this is what I see:

Yes, reminders of the Lord's kindness.  His tenderness toward us.  We have each other and will for a long time.  I am so thankful.  I start to feel sick that I have a complaining heart.  What was I thinking?  Such sweet little faces.  Such dear little friends.  Such a wonderful husband. Even the dog is okay.  I am so blessed and the roots of our home are very deep indeed!  I am encouraged to march on.  Laying roots as deep as I can lay them in all the sweet places the Lord takes us.  To bear a good witness for Christ.  For now, those are our marching orders.  They are really quite simple.  We go where the Lord tells us.  We obey and love his people and our neighbors with our fullest ability.  Then, when it's time, we move and start the process all over again.  Doesn't sound so bad now, does it.


Anonymous said...

I'm longing for roots, too. As the next step looms up before us and we have no idea where God will send us next... Thanks for the good word!

pops said...

Oh Dear Christie

You've moved all over the world!
I remember feeling sorry for myself many times the first years we were in Texas, thinking I was missing home.
But then I would come home to a wonderful HOME filled with kids , aromas and a loving family!
That's what a home is , it's where your heart and family are.
You write such beautiful words.
Wish you were here or I were there!

Love You

Karen said...

Oh my dear little tridder ... my heart also hurts for you. I can only imagine what you are feeling as you try and fit into your temporary home. To be comfortable and excepted by those you live among. To have your most prized treasures find their way and shine among their friends. We want so much for our children ... we sometimes hurt for them more than they hurt for themselves.
But at the end of the day .. it is truly what you come home to .. the four walls that house your family. That is home and that is where your roots are!
Now .. when is the nutcracker?

Gaines Family said...

This brought tears to my eyes and cheeks as I can soooo relate!! I'm blessed by your "reminders" and that the Lord has given me a few too ;)
Thank you for your encouragement and reminder that even in this lifestyle we can plant eternal roots and be anxious for our heavenly home! The Lord bless you!

Jen said...

Christie, we military families do have roots... shallow ones maybe, that get pulled up easily and often but strong ones too that can easily be replanted so that our families can still flourish. And in each replanting our roots entangle with those of amazing and special people people we meet in each place that touch our lives and change our hearts forever. You've been one of those friends here for us, and even though our roots only grew together for a short time and will soon be replanted some place new, I know that we are both changed and better for having met and shared this duty station time together.

Appollo Schloss said...

Thanks for sharing, it touched my heart.

team brownlee said...

O Christie, now I am crying thinking about your move...what a sweet, sweet friend, example and encouragement you have been in your time here. SO thankful we still have eternity up ahead to get to know each other better!

Claire Higgins said...

I, like you, am tied to my family. I commit wholeheartedly to my immediate family and dream of the day I can see the rest of my family again. Being 'away' is so hard...but I can imagine moving often is even harder. Thanks for your good words and reminders of what we have and what is present.