So it's a bit crazy here... that's okay

Swimming is going very well. Ben is a little fish. Louisa is now putting her head under water without being told to do so. Libby floats with such great ease that I am taking lessons from her. Colby and Jackie have learned the thrill of Marco? Polo...... We are having a great time and are tired, at least I am. The kids go to bed exhausted and wake up refreshed, ready for more swimming. We've all had a bit of sun damage, so our swim times have been moved to early morning or late afternoon. I find that once the kids are asleep, or at least in the bed, my vacation begins, though all I have been doing is knitting or sitting in a daze. My brother Justin came by today and the kids were thrilled. He played with them in the water for some time, giving them rides back and forth under and over.
You'd think on vacation that parenting would be easy, I've found it's more difficult. I am to blame as I am selfish. I want to have fun and play without giving instruction, correction. When it comes to the point where it's needed, as it always is needed, I am offended that I've been offended. Isn't that ridiculous? I was feeling rather bothered tonight over a particular incident and when I went to go pray over my frustrations, the Lord revealed that I am placing too much value in how I think the kids perceive me.

i.e. if they disobey my instruction, that must mean they don't like me. i deserve to be liked, after all I adore them, there's nothing I wouldn't do for them. i should be respected for all I do for these children, don't they realize how good they have it?

Isn't that sinful? Now, I am not thinking these things during the process of their misbehaviour, however after examining why I am so offended, that's basically what it boils down to. I have got to remind myself that they are sinful beings, just like their mother. I am to shepherd their heart in a loving, gentle manner, and they are to honor me. If they don't honor, than discipline them and point them to God's word and his standard for their living. Really it's quite simple. It's a simple math equation. I just put a bunch of emotions around it and take offense, when really I should expect sinful behaviour and call it what it is. The Lord Christ was sinned against, and in that suffering, He loved. He never once said, I don't deserve this!
Lord, forgive me for thinking higher of myself than I ought too.


JLR said...

Oh baby, hang in there and continue to evaluate your actions and heart with the clarity of scripture. I am so proud of you. The kids look like they are having a blast. Can you have Colby/Jack take a pic of you by the pool??

I can't wait to see you guys again! me and "shaaltee" are very lonely without you. He won't leave me alone, every where I go, he's there like my little white shadow.

john.reynolds1@mac.com said...

Well said! "we are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do." Luke 17-10

thanks for the great pictures!